View Full Version : I love Jameseari
05-07-2007, 09:48 PM
the subject says it all, he is one sexy dude.
05-07-2007, 09:55 PM
random and effective
05-07-2007, 11:39 PM
I think he's pretty nifty as well :p
05-08-2007, 02:28 AM
Can this be a Sticky?
05-08-2007, 03:34 AM
so, while obviously quite flattering Jameseari, any idea why this thread came about??
05-08-2007, 10:31 AM
I'll tell you why this post came about. Because his nipples taste like honey, and he likes his man meat a little rare.
05-08-2007, 03:16 PM
I heard Jameseari was born of a jackal and can forsee the future.
05-08-2007, 05:42 PM
[quote:08f537a148=\"Jameseari\"]Can this be a Sticky?[/quote:08f537a148]
I bet we could negotiate some kind of trade :wink:
05-08-2007, 10:39 PM
The Legend of Jim aka Jameseari all started back in Erie Pennsylvania (where do you think he got the screen name). It was some time in the fall. I'm not for sure; we had no need for calendars back then. Time moved a little slower. Jim was a local sharecropper who made a modest living selling cabbage to the local market. Times were tuff with the drought and all but Jim kept working the fields, some say the cabbage grew as a result of all the blood and sweat the dry, cracked earth absorbed. While other farmers barely, if at all kept their farms afloat, Jim's cabbage was a source of inspiration. Not many know this, but the nutrients Jim absorbed from the teat of his jackal mother gave him the ability to endure the endless hours of backbreaking work.
As winter approached the town's people realized that they faced great peril. Jim only came into town occasionally, but was always well received by the town's people despite the overwhelming stench of honey, that formed like dew drops on the ends of his subtle nipples. It had been 3 full moons since Jim's last trip to town, and hadn't planned of coming back for another three. While holed up in his secluded home, bracing the winter winds as they dropped feet of snow, Jim was making his favorite food, cabbage stew.
While the smell of cabbage and honey filled the room something strange, something that had never happened before occurred. The steam wafting from the cast iron pot started billowing in circles, it was not evaporating, rather it hung there circling faster and faster until the steam started to form figures. Jim shook his head in disbelief and was astonished to see the same figure when he opened his eyes. Only now it was more defined, and he could see more too. It was the town's people, many of them he knew by name, others simply from a head nod on his way back home from the market. Jim couldn't believe it but inside the church people were doubled over the pews, being fed what looked like diluted powered milk. The church is where the town's supply of food was kept, and Jim couldn't see a single cabbage . What with more than 100 people in the church not a single life sustaining cabbage was insight.
Blackness fell over Jim and he awoke hours later to the smell of burnt cabbage, and a sense of urgency about him. He couldn't be sure but for some strange reason he felt that the events he witnessed had not yet transpired. As the grogginess left Jim he had visions in his head of starving people barely clinging to life. Jim barely realized what he was doing, but was instinctively hooking his swelling cart of vegetables to his single overworked ox. Jim looked to the horizon, from the threshold of his barn to see a world completely void of color.
As he set off, the ox was reluctant to follow his orders. Reluctantly he swatted his old trusty farmhand with his riding crop which was given to him by a Dutch Mistress on her way to work in the Brothels of New Orleans. After a few sharp switches the ox began towards Erie with Jim and his vegetables in tow. It was a long way to town, somewhere around 10 miles out darkness began to fall. Soon after his ox began to lean back and forth and quickly fell in the snow from exhaustion. Summoning his superhuman jackal strength he hooked himself to the cart and finished the 30 mile trek through the blizzard to the church he had seen in his vision.
As the sun peaked over the horizon a villager awoke to the sounds of malnourished coughs and deep wheezing lungs. It looked like nobody had perished in the night, a miracle maybe. But if they didn't get food soon the whole town will surely perish from hunger. The villager gathered the water buckets to collect snow to melt and drink. As he opened the church doors the smell of honey permeated his scurvy nose. He saw a cart so full of snow covered cabbage; it would be enough to feed the town until spring. His eyes were drawn downward to see Jim face first in the snow.
The legend of Jameseari continued further down...
05-09-2007, 04:53 AM
I'm hanging on every word. :shock:
You got cut off, yo?!
This reads almost like a Mike's Corner from the Schvice from way back?
05-09-2007, 11:42 AM
After weeks of nursing him back to health, Jim awoke to find that the village was healthy and thriving. He was fed large amounts of the only thing that was plentiful, which was a fortuitous event because his second favorite food besides cabbage, was man meat.
The villagers were very grateful for what Jim had done for their town. Fathers brought wives, brothers brought sisters, and brothers brought brothers with the intention of giving their partners to Jim the cabbage farmer. After sampling some of the finer meats Jim decided none were right for him.
Jim satisfied with his work in Erie decided it was time to leave. The town's people offered Jim the strongest of their steeds but knew he would never find as trusty a friend as his ox had been. He meandered to the church amid the haziness of a foggy spring morning. The cart he had brought the cabbages in was no longer full to the brim, but it had enough to last the towns people until spring. Next winters crop was already being planted and Jim had a keen sense that this year's crop would be more plentiful.
When the harvest came, everybody had a little time to relax. The village felt they had not thanked Jim enough so the farmers began to collect the best cabbages from their crops, wives baked him the sweetest pastries, and young mistresses planned to offer themselves to him yet again. Everybody that could left towards Jim's tiny farmstead on the same path he had walked through last years crushing blizzard. As the sun began to climb back over the hills the group came to the same spot Jim had described just weeks prior. All that was there was his modest field with sporadic cabbages sprouting through the soil.
The sun became an ever looming symbol that the day was done as the air was filled by an intense cackling. The villagers' heads followed the strangely comforting laughter towards the hill. Not everybody was sure what they saw because the sun was just beginning to dip over the top of the hill, the same spot where the animalistic delight was coming from. Those who said they saw something swore they had seen a peculiarly familiar friend.
05-09-2007, 07:04 PM
Larry, you have got to do something about the size of Jim's ego. It's becoming unmanageable!
05-09-2007, 10:28 PM
[quote:97b4e83e35=\"kini008\"]Larry, you have got to do something about the size of Jim's ego. It's becoming unmanageable!
I'm sure. Jenna, what's it like dating a living legend?
05-10-2007, 10:15 AM
It's cool and all, but after awhile the chicks throwing their bras at him gets kinda old. A bra hit me in the face while we were watching 'Happy Feet', which did not make me or my face (or my feet, for that matter) happy at all. I mean, come on- I'm trying to watch animated cuteness, and this mother of three is throwing her undergarments at my boyfriend? You have to draw the line somewhere, and mine is apparently at dancing penguins being interrupted by airborne brassieres. Makes me a little concerned about what Jim will be up to while I'm out of the country this summer...
05-10-2007, 07:39 PM
[quote:68ec29189b=\"kini008\"]Makes me a little concerned about what Jim will be up to while I'm out of the country this summer...[/quote:68ec29189b]
:lol: :lol: :lol:
This thread is awesome. A couple more STELLAS!!! and I might make it a sticky just because :lol:
05-10-2007, 07:43 PM
Last time I was with him some big muscle dude threw him a jock strap.
05-10-2007, 07:46 PM
So what did he do with it?!? Please tell me he just let it lie. :?
05-14-2007, 03:39 AM
I feel as if this thread has been neglected!!!
05-14-2007, 12:02 PM
[quote:a9a099b979=\"Pauly's Cheese\"]So what did he do with it?!? Please tell me he just let it lie. :?[/quote:a9a099b979]
He just kinda caught it in mid air and ran it under his nose nonchalantly, then stuck it in his back pocket. :shock:
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